We reached Sgwd Yr Eira – which was a waterfall, as it turned out – and the source of the river downstream where we initiated.
There were people there. I stood looking at them – I wasn’t even interested in the waterfall, I was just puzzled by the people: what were they all looking at. The waterfall? What about everything they just walked past, that we found equally fascinating.
We didn’t stick around too long, and we walked back up the steep hillside path. The extra physical exertion was burning off more of the delightful effects of the psylosibin.
When we were back on the main path, I turned to… to .. I had to think of his name – Matt – his name was Matt! and I realised that I hadn’t used his name for the past four hours, which I pointed out, and then said that it was ridiculous that there were all these people gawping at the waterfall, but if we stare at a dandelion they think we’re high – how come? Jeremy and Matt started reflecting on it. Then they started analysing other things.
I started feeling an urge to walk back, pick up the pace, a growing impatience. Their sudden intellectual analysis of everything started to irritate me.
The magical effects were wearing off, and it was like a construct was lowering back into my consciousness. I could sense it was like a 3D geometric cube being lowered into me.
This determination to get back – it was a wave of time lifting back up, bringing us into time.
It was more than time and it was more than a construct coming back, it was a rhythm. It was like a four beat in fact – like a marching band, the music of time ticking through our comprehension of reality. It was the sound of a marching band, marching marching marching marching on on on on, and up up up up.
What was going on?
This pattern of behaviour, this rhythm to do this and that – this construct, this determination, was that that the ego coming back? Was that me? Was that Neal? And if that’s me – who is this, who’s making this observation. It was like a pattern overlay onto a naive and innocent being who needed to be guided.
And now that I was ‘back’ I could make plans. I could be determined again to complete them.
I saw more humans pass me on the path and realised that this is what it was that separated us and made us different from nature. Humans had this determination about them. That determination was a threat to parts of nature. And it was this look that could be seen in the eyes. They say you should never look a bear in the eyes – and now I knew why. It’s the threat that came from the determination in the eyes of humans. The bears can spot it.
Even though these people were just walking on a path – there was a distinct determination pulling them around in a particular direction for a particular purpose.
I was now one of them again. I felt myself pulling myself along this path, eager to get back, write a few things down. I was now ignoring the very same things that fascinated me on the way here, even though it was the same path. This determination and planning made me ignorant of so many things around – to be human was to ignore things. The mushroom had squeezed my consciousness and ego like sponge and then, upon release, it let in everything, as if anew.
I was repelled by the purposeness of humans, and now I was unsure about my desire for focus that I had been calling for yesterday.
Was that it? But the focus was a high state of mind, above it all, to ignore the instant gratification that surrounds me and drags me away from my pursuits. Perhaps it was discipline? No, it was a focussed state of mind that I wanted. The feeling of ecstasy from the fulfilment of creative dreams.
Something like that!
The route back was surprisingly quick. It had felt like we were on this endless vibrant odyssey, and in reality we had barely covered two miles. We got back into the lodge, and allowed ourselves to re-centre, refresh and relax. The effects were soon all gone with no side effects, and now that we had transcended, we could concentrate on the next steps.