We’ve been doing some annual reviews and making a renewed effort to check in with people’s well-being. One thing that was pointed out was that it might be necessary to ask someone ‘how are you’ more than once because the first time people are inclined to just say ‘fine’.
It reminded me of learning Arabic and, particularly, listening to Arabs converse in Arabic and how often they ask each other ‘how are you’. The first time I noticed was probably some years ago, in a souq, I think. I was just trying to eavesdrop into a conversation between to friends to try and tune my ear. They were stood very close, chatting for probably five minutes, shaking hands for a very long time. At least three or four times, I heard one of them ask ‘kayf haalik’ (literally: how is your circumstance / how are you) then the other responded, then they chatted together more, then the former asked again and even more lyrically enthusiatistically, ‘kayf haalik’ and it continued and then again even more persistently, ‘kayf haalik’. I thought it was fascinating.
I can only imagine that the Arabic language has a longer history of having ‘how are you’ as a greeting or conversation starter, and over time, there is a more developed and shared cultural understanding that one needs to ask multiple times before getting the real answer to ‘how are you’.